 WELCOME BEHIND THE D0OR!
Hidden world of Evan
********************************************************************
INFO
If you made it here, it's likely because you read a log and took my key (´・ω・｀) Conga-rat-you-late-eons!
This page is dedicated to..... anything. I mostly theme my pages around special stuff. IE my room page or link page
However, i'm just going to dump stuff here, thoughts regarding the website and rants and whatnot
which didn't make it into those logs. I use the name "Evan" here , my real name
because i want it to feel personal for both the writer (me) and
the reader (you). Im eck-sighted to add more to both this page and the website in general
I hope it survives long after I do. At the end of the day I just want an outlet.
Hand crafted and built with love ~ my own personality's in it
SQUID56 isn't me, SQUID56 is an analog entity born digitally. Puh-lease take care.
THIS PAGE IS SUBJECT TO UPDATES AS TIME CONTINUES
********************************************************************
WHY?
Well, the reason it's all hidden and not on the navigation is the exact reason i use my god-given
name rather than chigyu14/squid56. It's meant to /feel/ personal. Maybe it doesnt, for you
But the site isn't FOR you, after all. (´・ω・) I hope you understand ~
********************************************************************
 BEGIN
Fun fact: whatever i do may be in Comic Sans, and built to look tacky. Like a digital junk journal
Mita house, marimo-themed page, doll page. Tonight I'm going to write a new log.... Completed goals
are
main page revamp, link directory, room dedication, log page, this page. I'm most worried about
losing motivation and abandoning this site. Wish me luck (imagine a clover here)
Apologies for any spelling errors or typos, i don't spell-check. I intentionally ignore grammar.
As for inspiration, i don't have a lot to name specifically. I spent lots of time on the
Geocities Gallery and get lots of information and influence from that time. Most of the time i just
do whatever I like best.
It's funny that i wasn't around, alive, for that time at all, despite how it feels. But the way
my family raised me, they never got me the newest thing, as to avoid spoiling me and making me into that
kind of person ~. so i used things from a time before me, close to being raised in and existing in that time
Khehe. Peers did not have influence on me because lots of the kids in the religious schools do not have
internet access/knowledge. What i mean is that I never learned of social media trends even as a kid because
i spent most of my internet-related time on video games which my dad enjoyed when he was younger, or sometimes
messageboards that were far-removed from everything else in 2016 and after that, like existing in the past
without outside influence. Everyone around me was away from it, too. It felt like a safe bubble when i look back.
I had a very good childhood and was very protected while still being able to learn about protecting myself. I
assume most kids my age grew up using technology in school. I spent a year and a half in public school,
everything was tech-centered and everyone was very comfortable with that fact. I did not grow up with that. I
grew up with books and paper and learning that way, which stunted me in the end. You must balance the influence
which the internet has over your kid while also maintaining physical textbook learning. I am grateful, i just
wish i knew about WWW before being pushed into it so fast. I'm lucky I'm not the kind of person who lacks common
sense. I could have fallen victim to something dangerous while i was in my years at public school, if not for
my reasoning abilities..
Now i am far less removed than I was as a kid and pre-teen as i am working to adapt to the
way most people function. Lots of things revolve around screens or social media.
I have things like Tik tok and twitter (x) which are overwhelming at times and i find myself
missing how simplistic everything felt when i didn't know about all the things those sites
have shoved in my face. I'm scared to use them but also scared to stop using them all together.
Being a person who doesn't know about trends, memes, current happenings and what not
makes it hard to make friends. Impossible, even! I couldn't relate to my peers at all which lead to
them viewing me as an outsider rather than a human. I didn't survive my second year at
public school for that reason. I feel pressured to live in a way that makes me uncomfortable
and that's just unpleasant. Either way i am losing because when i don't involve myself in
current trends i have to face the fact that i will be seen as just an outsider looking in.
It's a choice of whether being an outsider or being someone on the inside is more comfortable.
For now, this site and side of the WWW is almost a escape where I feel like I don't have to
worry about that decision and can exist in a space that i enjoy the most, for the time being.
Another dilemma as a result is that i have effectively become a hermit out of fear.
I spend countless weeks sequestered in my bedroom. When I leave my house, which i am trying
to make a habit and do more often, i go places like the woods or the library where I dont talk
to anyone anyway. It feels like i am making no improvement socially as i still have no real-life
friends and no plans to change that either. I've tried just aboout anything. These issues feel much
bigger than I do.
|
